Cody Klippenstein #002: Simplicity, softness, and single-syllable words

Before we get to today’s lesson, here are a few of the accolades for Cody Klippenstein and her work that I’m aware of:

2011 She’s a finalist for Malahat’s Open Season Awards

2011 She wins The Fiddlehead’s fiction contest

2011 She wins Prism International’s short story contest

2012 She wins Malahat’s Open Season Awards for short fiction

2012 She wins Zoetrope: All Story’s contest for short fiction

We are clearly talking about someone who is destined to win every major writing award for short fiction that exists (and who knows when the novels will start appearing?). Instantly, we think “literary,” “highbrow,” and “sophisticated language,” and while all of that may be in her toolbox, and while she DOES understand what “Nilotic landscapes” are (okay, confession, I had to look up the word “Nilotic”), there’s another secret to her success with voice:

Simplicity.

She knows when to keep it simple when it NEEDS to be kept simple.

Here’s what I mean:

In yesterday’s examination of “Case Studies in Ascension,” we saw how Klippenstein uses pathos to create a feeling of awkwardness felt by both the protagonist and the readers. The anthropologist feels that he isn’t able to do anything right. But Klippenstein builds an attraction between the young girl and the man. Maybe the girl feels she may never grow up to have a normal, loving relationship; maybe he’s attracted to a younger girl attracted to him. For whatever reason, Klippenstein decides to show that passion in a few paragraphs. But think of it—does this love or lust NEED a deeper meaning? Hardly. She wants to show the raw emotions, the passion on the page. Here’s how she does it:

“You’re sure.” His breath on the back of my neck.

“Yes,” I say. Or try. My voice is airless, my lungs pressed upon.

I turn and catch his lower lip. For minutes we stand like this—his hands hovering above my still hips—then I wiggle my toes, and he fills my mouth with his tongue. He lifts me to the countertop, and I feel something in me rising. With his hands clamped around my thighs, boring into my skin, I let it rise right out of me.

88 words. That’s it. And the passion is clearly there for all to see. But let’s look at that passage in detail, and we’ll see where the voice comes from.

1. Softness. Euphony is the repetition of soft sounds like f, l, m, n, r, s, sh, v, and z. It’s how we notice words like (now say them aloud with me) “airless,” “hands hovering,” “fills my mouth with his tongue,” “something in me rising,” “my thighs,” and “rise.” We can even hear the internal rhyme in that last line between “thighs” and “rise,” the alliterations “his hands” and “rise right,” and the soft i assonance in “this,” his,” “still hips,” fills…with his,” and “lifts.” There’s clearly poetry present here.

2. Syllables. If you’re a bit obsessive about literature, you might actually count the syllables of the words in the passage above. Don’t. I’ve done it for you. It looks like this:

2 three-syllable words

11 two-syllable words

75 one-syllable words

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? We don’t need levels; we don’t need layers; we don’t need sophisticated language. All that passion pushes its way off the page with soft, simple, single-syllable words that get the feeling across QUICKLY to readers.

          Now I can almost see the eye-rolling. No, I’m not suggesting that Klippenstein consciously thought of these things when she wrote her story. She thought of her story. But remember that because she’s a READER, she picks up technique and is able to create some of her own as well. When she’s editing to make a passage like this one “sound right,” she’s writing and rewriting until it’s the way she wants it to be.

          The analysis is for me and for you, then, to see what’s here, what surfaces in a moment where flames need to flicker in the prose. I have no doubt that it’s largely unconscious on her part, but if we look at what’s here, we can at least try to approach the same effect.

Try this:

Create a loving moment, but instead of a romantic one, think of a child with a favourite pet. They’re spending time together, not noticing anything else in their environment. But Mother is watching from the doorway. Describe what she sees.

Coming tomorrow: Cody Klippenstein #003: Connotation and cacophony!