Opening paragraphs #003: Shake it up!

          For day three of our investigation of openings, I thought I’d show you one that is powerful, sarcastic, hilarious, and tragic–all at the same time! Check out the beginning to “Property,” by Elizabeth McCracken:

The ad should have said, For rent, six-room hovel. Quarter-filled Mrs. Butterworth’s bottle in living room, sandy sheets throughout, lingering smell.

Or, Wanted: gullible tenant for small house, must possess appreciation for chipped pottery, mid-1960s abstract silk-screened canvases, mouse-nibbled books on Georgia O’ Keeffe.

Or, Available June 1–shithole.

          Notice the setup that McCracken uses. She writes one fairly long sentence, a second a similar length, and then a really short one to get your attention. Once writers learn how to craft long, complicated, flowing sentences, they often forget about the power of short ones. We don’t see any physical description of the narrator here. Male? Female? No clue. Appearance? No clue. But we KNOW what this person is like, don’t we? Super sarcastic and hilarious to be around–someone not afraid of saying it like it is…

Try this:

          Create a description of a character that is very flattering; do it in two long lines. “Everybody knows _______ is….” and “Everyone can see what ______ has accomplished:”–a few sentences like that. Make them glowing with praise. Then, in a third short sentence, make it very clear that the narrator is jealous or spiteful towards this person. Give it a go!

Coming tomorrow: Another beginning…Help NOT Wanted!