Opening paragraphs #005: SUPER CHALLENGE!

          Let’s do a quick review of our look at beginnings in the past four days:

Day one: sharp contrast: tough, tough soft

Day two: a bit of mystery

Day three: 3-line description that ends with a powerful short line

Day four: help NOT wanted; hesitation at interaction

          And now, on day five, we’re going to look at an opening by another writer, Steven Millhauser, who uses ALL FOUR of those techniques in his opening for “Phantoms”:

The phantoms of our town do not, some think, appear only in the dark. Often we come upon them in full sunlight, when shadows lie sharp on the lawns and streets. The encounters take place for very short periods, ranging from two or three seconds to perhaps half a minute, though longer episodes are sometimes reported. So many of us have seen them that it’s uncommon to meet someone who has not; of this minority, only a small number deny that phantoms exist. Sometimes an encounter occurs more than once in the course of a single day; sometimes six months pass, or a year. The phantoms, which some call Presences, are not easy to distinguish from ordinary citizens: they are not translucent, or smokelike, or hazy, they do not ripple like heat waves, nor are they in any way unusual in figure or dress. Indeed they are so much like us that it sometimes happens we mistake them for someone we know. They themselves appear to be uneasy during an encounter and quickly withdraw. They always look at us before turning away. They never speak. They are wary, elusive, secretive, haughty, unfriendly, remote.

Contrast: the dark and light in the first line

Mystery: who are these phantoms, really?

3 sentences, ending in a short one: Find “They never speak” near the end, and back up two.

Help NOT wanted: “uneasy during an encounter,” “swiftly withdraw,” “turning away,” “never speak,” “wary, elusive, secretive.”

          Millhauser uses all four, to different degrees, admittedly, in his opening, so you know what I’m going to suggest that you do today. . .

Try this:

Combine, two, three, or all four of the techniques in an opening that will captivate your readers!

Coming tomorrow: We’ll be looking at a 1921 National Geographic article to get you doing a bit of creative writing. . . Watch for “The Dream Ship”!