SMART SETTINGS

Jennifer Moffat’s “Love Comes into our Sight” in The Things We Leave Behind

Jennifer Moffat is a talented romance writer whose character descriptions will lodge those people in your mind for quite some time. But she makes some smart choices with setting, too. Let me show you a few smart choices she makes in her award-winning story, “Love Comes into our Sight”:

ASAP: As soon as possible, writers want to get out setting, character, and pathos–make us care about the character. Look at how Moffatt accomplishes that in her very first line: “One moment he was not there, and then he was, naked in the middle of the street, early on a cold December morning.”

If there is one feeling to sum up this line, it would be “vulnerability.” In a very open, very public setting, there is a man who is disoriented and naked, needing help. What makes it even worse? “Early on a cold December morning.” As readers, we can sense what that might be like, and our hearts go out to poor Cael.

It also gives the protagonist, Edward, a chance to show himself as a likeable character. He is the one who stops and doesn’t look the other way. He is the one who gives up his own long winter coat to cover this stranger. An early description of that stranger’s features also includes setting: “…those eyes…they were the lightest blue I’d ever seen, the blue of a snowy landscape at dusk.” What comes next works two ways:

Edward takes Cael to his workplace, a diner. Since Edward was on his way to work, he decides to bring Cael along for the ride. He has some extra clothes there Cael can use, and he can keep an eye on this person who clearly needs some help. Now think of a diner. It’s a place with “regulars.” It’s like a family. Customers get to know servers and each other. Familiar faces in a familiar place.

Think of the progression–a stranger in a wide open environment, filled with people passing by.

Now, a spot with fewer people, a more tight-knit community, a place Cael can feel safer in.

Cael, appreciative, begins to help out around the diner, sweeping up, doing whatever he can to pitch in, and when a customer, Aileen, is obviously hurting (due to someone who has recently passed), he finds a way to comfort her, Edward witnessing his altruistic efforts.

Now think of it–the first setting allows us to see Edward’s kind actions; the second shows us Cael’s. The setting moves from a larger, more open setting to a slightly smaller and friendlier one. So what happens next?

Moffatt makes another clever choice. After work, Edward, sensing that Cael still needs someone looking out for him, invites him to Edward’s home. In that single action, think of what’s happening:

The setting moves to a smaller, cozier location–Edward’s private home, and it’s just the two of them. The number of people is greatly diminished, and it’s still a safe environment for Cael. Also, we’ve seen each of the characters perform kind acts for others…and now, they’re alone together.

It’s a smart buildup to a happy ending in a very unusual situation you’ll have to read the entire story to find out about.

Check it out in an anthology her story was published in, along with seven other finalists:

The Things We Leave Behind